Life is ever-changing and we are changing with it. The painful part comes when we want to attempt to keep it the same. As soon as we can let it go, we can let life flow we are open to the next incarnation of possibilities. Our suffering comes from not wanting life to change, which, when we think about it, is unreasonable and futile.
We don’t get upset when a flower loses its pedals, or when the sun goes down each day. We accept that they are natural parts of the cycle of life. Why is it more difficult when it comes to our relationships?
The Greek philosopher, Heraclitus, is known for these words of wisdom, “No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.”
What would happen if we mindfully created our relationships to change and grow?
When my kids were in that “tweener” stage from about 11 to 15, I would check in with them about who they are now and who they needed me to be for them. It is an awkward stage of life when we so often want our parents to be there, holding us, and at times letting us go.
This lesson was taught to me by one of my “tweener” workshop participants. We were discussing some of the challenges in their lives and she said, “I am 12 years old, but my mom treats me like I am 8.” Wow, yeah, how many times have I expected someone to be like they were a year (or even longer) ago?
When Ron and I got together we decided to consciously create our relationship. We wanted something that neither of us had experienced before, something that did not live in him and didn’t live in me, but a new way of being that we continually created together. We wanted to break out of our old patterns of relationships, expand the possibilities, and accept each other for who we are and who we are becoming. I have to say, I am never bored with this relationship.
We are all a work in progress. We are all growing and improving at our own pace. We can be patient with ourselves and others, and really step into the person we know we are capable of being without letting anyone, especially ourselves, hold us back.
For perspective, play with these discovery questions:
• What progress have I made in the past years, months, or days?
• Who am I becoming?
• What changes can I acknowledge the people around me for?
• Check in with your most intimate relationships to discover who they are becoming.