Four years ago I was at the lowest point of my life. My marriage to an alcoholic was ending, my self worth was being suffocated under a ton of betrayal, and my heart felt like it had been put into a blender on puree. I do not blame him, he was only reflecting how I felt about myself.
The good news is, that being at the lowest point in my life, there was no place to go but up, although, I didn’t know that at the time. It felt like my life would be ruined forever. I was on my knees, head on the floor, completely surrendering.
I knew I needed help and it was amazing to discover that help was everywhere. All I had to do was surrender trying to control my life and there were so many beautiful souls out there ready to help me heal. Opportunities were all around me, and my heart just had to say “yes”.
At the time, my heart felt like it was encased in thick layers of protection and unwanted old pain. Even though I consciously wanted to love and be loved, the subconscious voice of my heart was saying, “no, no, no,…too vulnerable”.
I wanted to rip at the thick walls of gray modeling clay around my heart, but I knew that I would have to be patient and persistent, expand my light, and melt it away. If I could grow my heart from the inside, the old shell could no longer contain it like a snake shedding its skin.
Here’s what worked for me: I went on a hunt for what was holding me in patterns of abuse and learned that to have healthy relationships, I only needed to change one thing…everything. It sounded a little overwhelming at first, but since everything I had been doing up to that point certainly was not working, it sounded like a pretty good option.
I discovered that Love and Compassion are the answers to the questions my heart was asking. I learned to be compassionate with myself, and how to give true compassion to others.
My yoga practice used to come from my body, now it comes from my heart and keeps opening and expanding my ability to go deeper. Each time I practice, more of my heart is revealed. Also, I am constantly checking in with my heart. Just listening… turns out hearts are very wise.
Although it took some time, as my heart was being softened and opened, more joy was able to come in…flooding in. At first, it was strange. Why were people being so open and beautiful around me? Apparently, like my ex-husband, they are mirrors reflecting back what is coming from the inside.
I hadn’t realized it, but somewhere along the process my heart had become a magnet for beauty and love. I feel more connected and have more loving relationships than I had ever had… And, I am just getting started!
How will you share your heart today?